Biggest consolidated collection of Little Johnny (LJ) Jokes

Little Johnny Jokes

Mrs. Smith, a third grade teacher wanted the class to play a game where one student starts drawing on the board, then one by one others add to it.

She thinks and decides not to start with Johnny, because he is so naughty and always has some "unusual" pictures in mind.

So she starts with Anne.

Anne: "This is our house".

Teacher: "Good Anne!" and asks Peter to draw next:

Peter: "This is our house's door".

Teacher:"Very good, Peter" and calls Mary:

Mary: "This is our house roof".

Teacher:"Very nice, Mary" and calls on Stevie:

Stevie: "And this is the sun over our house."

Teacher:"Very nice Stevie" and thinks, there is not much damage that Johnny can do with this picture and asks johnny to come to the board.

Johnny: "And this is my Dad, trying to pick up the soap when he dropped it in the shower.

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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo.

But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."

"Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.

"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.

"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"

"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
Little Johnny gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parents bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues down the hallway, saying to himself,

"Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"
At sunday school, teacher asked little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"

"Sure" little Johnny replied. 'They go out in the back of the church yard'
Little Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father, "Daddy, what are those two dogs doing? To which the father replies, "They are making a puppy!"

Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to his parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making love. Johnny asks his father, "Daddy what are you and mommy doing?" To which the father replies, "Johnny we are making you a little sister."

Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds, "Well, daddy could you roll her over?

I`d rather have a puppy!"
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on his birth. She wanted to make sure that they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up etc. So, she asked her class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary called out and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waiving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know!

He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long time.

She finally gathered her wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"

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