Little Johnny was sitting in class one day when he asked his teacher a
question: "Please Miss," he said, "What's a Penis?"
The teacher thought it was an excellent question so she told the whole class that it would
be their homework for the night.
When little Johnny got home he immediately went to his father and
asked him what a penis is. His father undid his trousers and said: "Look
son, that's a penis."
Johnny was very pleased that it had been so easy to do his homework.
The next morning, on his way to school he met Mary but she was in floods of tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked.
"Well I wasn't able to do my homework," she sobbed. "Nobody would tell me what a penis is." "OK, I'll help you," said little Johnny.
As he undid his trousers he said to Mary: "Look, you see this. Well, this is a Dick. A penis is about three inches shorter!"
Little Johnny's father wakes him up one morning and says "Johnny, go
feed the animals as I am late and must take a shower."
Little Johnny who is now angry gets out of bed and walks past his mother who is making breakfast in the kitchen.
Johnny gathers the food for the chicken, pig, and cow.
First, Johnny kicks the chicken and drops it's feed in its feeder.
Second, Johnny walks up to the pig, kicks it, and drops its slop in it's trough.
Third, Johnny walks up, kicks the cow, and gives the cow it's food.
Meanwhile, his mother can see all of what Johnny is doing from the kitchen. Johnny walks back to the house and enters the kitchen.
Johnny's mother says, "Johnny, I saw what you did and for kicking the chicken, you will have no eggs for breakfast, For kicking the pig, you will have no bacon. For kicking the cow, you will have no milk."
Meanwhile, Johnny's father walks down the stairs and trips over the cat and nearly falls. Johnny's father walks up and kicks the cat.
Johnny looks at his mother and says "Should I tell him what he's not going to have or are you ??"
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who
signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go
home and to bring his father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the
room to observe.
She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy.
"Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of
Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his
son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you
damn well better admit it!"
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding
at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them
by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is
greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly
hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets
him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and
says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the
mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole
truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come
give your real father a big hug."
A teacher noticed that Little Johnny at the back of the class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to
find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he
had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him go down to the principal's office, he was to phone his
mother, and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and then he
returned to the classroom, where he sat down in his seat.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging
out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,
she'd come and pick me up from school ..."
He was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and all though the
crime seemed highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming.
As a last desperate move, the defense counsel came over to the
witness stand, pulled down Little Johnny's pants, and grabbed the boy's
tiny penis for all to see.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the lawyer cried turning toward the jury box,
"surely you cannot believe that such a small still undeveloped organ
is sexually mature?"
Growing more agitated he went on, "How could this miniature member be
capable even of erection, let alone the rape of a fully grown woman."
"WATCH IT," yelped Little Johnny. "One more shake and you'll lose the case!"
"OK kids, we are going to talk about sexual education today.
First we'll talk about how the human reproduction goes on..."
Immediately, little Johnny raises his hand, and desperately tries to
get the teacher's attention. But the teacher, knowing how little
Johhny is about these things, goes on...
"... First, a man a woman have to be in love... "
But little Johnny keeps his hand up, waving it up and down, and from
one side to the other one.
The teacher ignores him...
" ... They have to be very in love because..."
But now little Johnny even starts making noise with his feet, so the
teacher decides to acknowledge him: " OK, little Johnny. What do you
want to say."
Little Johnny then stands up, and says:
"I just wanted to ask. Those of us who have already fucked... can we leave?"
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about
the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding
and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa
Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth
Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups
don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe
in!"
