The teacher, brought a Venus statue in class and asks
"What do you like best about it?"
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Peter, get out! And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving."
Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through
a keyhole At their parents making love
"Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a
finger in our nose!"
Teacher hears Johnny cussing, so she gets pissed off goes
bitching to Johnny's father. She comes to Johnny's house and suddenly
notices Johnny fucking a goat in the yard.
She walks in the house and screams to his father
"Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now, now he's being carnal
with a goat in the yard!"
"Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!"
Johnny's parents were out of town once and so they asked that
young female teacher to stay for that time in their house. Before
going to bed Johnny says to her "Oh, please, I'm so afraid to be by myself,
please, sleep in my bed."
She agrees, they go to bed. In the morning she wakes up to find
a big hairy-chested man in her bed. She exclaims:
"Johnny? Where is Johnny?!!!"
"Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is that the little boy selling the tickets?"
Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other.
"Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny.
"Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated."
"Okay, I've understood."
"What've you understood!?" asks the father sarcastically.
"Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get fucked like a dog!"
The teacher asked Mary "What sound does a cat make?"
Mary said "A cat says meow, meow."
Then the teacher asked Billy "What sound does a cow make?"
Billy said "A cow goes mooo, mooo."
Then the teacher asks Johnny (he is black in this joke),
"What sound does a pig make?"
Johnny says "A pig says FREEZE NIGGER!!"
One day, little Johnny was sitting on a corner, stirring a bucket of shit.
The milkman walked up and said, "Whatcha got there, Johnny?"
To which Johnny replied (deep, slow voice is best) "Bucket o' shit."
"Hrummph!" said the Milkman and walked across the street. Next, the
Mailman came and said "Whatcha got there Johnny?"
"Bucket o' shit."
"Hrummph!" The Mailman walked across the street and began talking to
the Milkman. Shortly after, a policeman walked up and had a
conversation with the two aggrieved men. He then walked over to Johnny
and said, "What do you have there, Johnny?"
"Bucket o' shit."
"I bet you're making a Policeman."
"Nope, ain't got enough shit."
One day, Johnny was sitting in the library, calmly flicking small ball
bearings around the room. Of course, one of the balls hit the
librarian square in the forehead. She stood up and glared around the
room and said, "Who has the steel balls," to which Johnny gleefully
The teacher was very fed-up with Little Johnny and wanted to belittle him.
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.
She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?"
"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.
"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water,"
explained the teacher.
"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"
One day, in an effort to help stir up a class full of listless
students, Loretta asked the students to each come up and put on the
blackboard something that had caused a lot of excitement around their
She called on Nancy. Nancy went up to the board and drew a flower,
stating that the flowers they'd planted that spring were all blooming,
and that was causing a lot of excitement around their house.
Loretta said, "That's very nice, Nancy."
Next she calls on little Timmy, who goes up to the board and draws a
stick figure of an animal.
"What kind of animal is that?" asks Loretta.
"That's a puppy," says Timmy. "We just got one of those, and it's
caused a lot of excitement around our house lately."
"That's very nice, Timmy," she replies. "Who wants to go next?"
Little Johnny is waving more than ever; finally unable to ignore him
any longer, Loretta says, "Okay, Johnny, you're next." Little Johnny
goes up to the front of the classroom and draws a single dot on the
board."What's that?" she asks (afraid of what the answer is going to
"That's a period," answers Little Johnny. "My sister's missed two of
those, and you can bet that's caused a lot of excitement around OUR